 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
A month or so ago, one of my coworkers came up to me and said "Hey, that girl that was sitting at Table 25 says she knows you!" I looked over at Table 25, and it was empty. He said, "Sorry, they just left. She said she went to school with you."
I'm like, WTF?! WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SOMETHING?!
Well, I don't have to be mad at him anymore, because she came in again the other day. I didn't recognize her from the back or side, so I just went up to the table for face-to-face contact.
It was Leah Erickson! Talk about someone I knew from school. We went to school together since the first grade. Not only that, but her older sister, whom I also know, worked at Nordstrom with me when I first started.
We had a nice conversation, albeit short because it was lunch rush and I had work to do. But that makes the second schoolmate I've seen in that cafe in the time I've worked there. Actually, now that I think about it, I've seen a few others, but nobody in my graduating class.
It's so strange when someone like me, who is from such a small town, sees someone I know at work. But hey, stranger things have happened.
Like running into my teacher in Hawaii.
Dear Kozy Shack,
They say that times are changing, and that the breakneck pace of society is a train that cannot be stopped. However, allow me to at least attempt to pull the cord on this speeding train (or that billy goat's chin hair like Alice did in that TV movie Alice in Wonderland with Natalie Gregory with the inverted curls that my sisters wanted OH SO VERY MUCH).
Times are changing; life is changing; we're all growing older. Because of this, I am forced to cling to memories of my childhood in order to maintain my youth. One such memory is that of butterscotch pudding. My grandmother used to have little cans of various flavors of pudding in her shed. When we were good (or just sneaky), we got to have a can of pudding.
My fondest memories of said pudding center around the butterscotch pudding and how my sister would always try to gross me out by telling me it was dog poop. I can personally attest that dog poop never tasted so good.
But now, when I go in search of dog poo--er--butterscotch pudding, I find nothing. I can find pudding in every other flavor, even crap like Key Lime (god, what stupid company would ever market THAT shit?) or caramel, but no butterscotch! So far, only Fred Meyer cares about my plight!
And even though I can find butterscotch pudding at Fred Meyer, it is only sold in the itty-bitty little snack cups that couldn't adequately feed Kate Moss with an intestinal virus. One of those in my stomach is not unlike Verne Troyer in Bill Gates's house.
LACK OF BUTTERSCOTCH PUDDING MAKES ME CREATE STUPID ANALOGIES AND FORGET HOW TO
MAKE PROPER PARAGRAPHS!
What I ask is simple. GET ON THE BALL. Make tubs of butterscotch pudding so big that even Michael Moore will say (for the first time in his life) "I'm full!" AND THEN SELL THEM! SELL THEM TO ME!
For three dollars. That's all the change I could get from selling my hair.
Speaking of hair. I have a white cat that is shedding like crazy, and I can't eat vanilla or tapioca pudding because I never know if there's cat hair in it because it all blends in! I could see it in the Key Lime pudding, but I can't taste it (which is another rant entirely, given my suspicion that cat hair is your secret ingredient in that travesty). When I eat butterscotch pudding, I can SEE any cat hair that falls into my dish! One would argue that this is also true of chocolate pudding, but CHOCOLATE PUDDING DOESN'T LOOK LIKE DOG POOP AND THEREFORE MISSES THE ENTIRE POINT OF THIS LETTER!
Can you honestly say that you were able to listen to the theme to 3-2-1 Contact while eating butterscotch pudding? ME EITHER! But I'd like to! But I finish the little Rolo-sized cups before the song can even get to the vocal parts! (Hmm, perhaps that's for my own good...choking hazards and all.)
In conclusion: Your pudding is crap and I'm sure you'd mess up butterscotch pudding somehow (probably by putting rosemary or pureed balut in it), but you're not even trying! I hate my life because of you! I'm going to go use drugs, and it's all your fault!
I HAET U KOZY SHAK!!!!1 GIVE ME MY MEMORIES OF DOG POOP!
Love always,
Poo Fist
Why the hell is it so hard to find butterscotch pudding? Everywhere I go has chocolate, vanilla and tapioca, but I can never fucking find butterscotch? WTF PEOPLE?!
As it is, I have to either buy the powdered shit and learn how to MAKE pudding or I have to buy the little Fred Meyer snack cups, BECAUSE NOBODY ELSE SEEMS TO MAKE IT.
I haet you pudding!!!1
Having just finished watching Neon Genesis Evangelion for the first time in ten years, I've been a little more obsessed with it this time around. To the point that I went onto Ebay and bought some Evangelion posters for my bedroom (yeah, like it needs more posters).
My posters arrived yesterday, but I got a little extra surprise in the tube. The seller had included a religious tract inside. Not just a little paper tract, but an actual book about the size of my Duellist Bible (I know, oddly ironic comparison).
Without going too deeply into how I feel about religion in general, I will just say that religion has harmed me growing up. Psychologically, I was a wreck from puberty to finally coming out. And now that I'm an atheist, I'm happier than I ever was being religious.
That said, I've come a long way in my struggle with bitterness against Christianity, to the point that this tract wasn't even offensive to me. I just rolled my eyes and tossed it in the recycle bin. But I did find its inclusion (especially in a tube full of EVANGELION posters) to be inappropriate.
So here's my dilemma: It's time to award feedback for the transaction. Do I:
Leave positive feedback, because the entire transaction went smoothly, and even with an unwelcome inclusion, he probably meant well?
OR
Leave neutral feedback, because the inclusion of a religious tract was inappropriate and uncalled for?
Leaving negative feedback is out of the question. I only reserve that for transactions that end up in a bust. (Like that dude that said he had the Utena series on hand to ship, and when I paid for the item, he said "Oh, it's on backorder, I'll have it to you in a month!")
*insert witty conclusion here*
Galaxyman, Jewelman, Hornetman, Splashwoman, Concreteman, Magmaman, Plugman, Tornadoman, Galaxyman, Jewelman, Hornetman, Splashwoman, Concreteman, Magmaman, Plugman, Tornadoman, Galaxyman, Jewelman, Hornetman, Splashwoman, Concreteman, Magmaman, Plugman, Tornadoman, Galaxyman, Jewelman, Hornetman, Splashwoman, Concreteman, Magmaman, Plugman, Tornadoman, Galaxyman, Jewelman, Hornetman, Splashwoman, Concreteman, Magmaman, Plugman, Tornadoman, Galaxyman, Jewelman, Hornetman, Splashwoman, Concreteman, Magmaman, Plugman, Tornadoman, Galaxyman, Jewelman, Hornetman, Splashwoman, Concreteman, Magmaman, Plugman, Tornadoman, Galaxyman, Jewelman, Hornetman, Splashwoman, Concreteman, Magmaman, Plugman, Tornadoman, Galaxyman, Jewelman, Hornetman, Splashwoman, Concreteman, Magmaman, Plugman, Tornadoman, Galaxyman, Jewelman, Hornetman, Splashwoman, Concreteman, Magmaman, Plugman, Tornadoman, Galaxyman, Jewelman, Hornetman, Splashwoman, Concreteman, Magmaman, Plugman, Tornadoman, Galaxyman, Jewelman, Hornetman, Splashwoman, Concreteman, Magmaman, Plugman, Tornadoman, Galaxyman, Jewelman, Hornetman, Splashwoman, Concreteman, Magmaman, Plugman, Tornadoman, Galaxyman, Jewelman, Hornetman, Splashwoman, Concreteman, Magmaman, Plugman, Tornadoman, Galaxyman, Jewelman, Hornetman, Splashwoman, Concreteman, Magmaman, Plugman, Tornadoman, Galaxyman, Jewelman, Hornetman, Splashwoman, Concreteman, Magmaman, Plugman, Tornadoman, Galaxyman, Jewelman, Hornetman, Splashwoman, Concreteman, Magmaman, Plugman, Tornadoman, Galaxyman, Jewelman, Hornetman, Splashwoman, Concreteman, Magmaman, Plugman, Tornadoman, Galaxyman, Jewelman, Hornetman, Splashwoman, Concreteman, Magmaman, Plugman, Tornadoman, Galaxyman, Jewelman, Hornetman, Splashwoman, Concreteman, Magmaman, Plugman, Tornadoman, Galaxyman, Jewelman, Hornetman, Splashwoman, Concreteman, Magmaman, Plugman, Tornadoman, Galaxyman, Jewelman, Hornetman, Splashwoman, Concreteman, Magmaman, Plugman, Tornadoman, Galaxyman, Jewelman, Hornetman, Splashwoman, Concreteman, Magmaman, Plugman, Tornadoman, Galaxyman, Jewelman, Hornetman, Splashwoman, Concreteman, Magmaman, Plugman, Tornadoman, Galaxyman, Jewelman, Hornetman, Splashwoman, Concreteman, Magmaman, Plugman, Tornadoman, Galaxyman, Jewelman, Hornetman, Splashwoman, Concreteman, Magmaman, Plugman, Tornadoman, Galaxyman, Jewelman, Hornetman, Splashwoman, Concreteman, Magmaman, Plugman, Tornadoman, Galaxyman, Jewelman, Hornetman, Splashwoman, Concreteman, Magmaman, Plugman, Tornadoman, Galaxyman, Jewelman, Hornetman, Splashwoman, Concreteman, Magmaman, Plugman, Tornadoman, Galaxyman, Jewelman, Hornetman, Splashwoman, Concreteman, Magmaman, Plugman, Tornadoman, Galaxyman, Jewelman, Hornetman, Splashwoman, Concreteman, Magmaman, Plugman, Tornadoman, Galaxyman, Jewelman, Hornetman, Splashwoman, Concreteman, Magmaman, Plugman, Tornadoman, Galaxyman, Jewelman, Hornetman, Splashwoman, Concreteman, Magmaman, Plugman, Tornadoman, Galaxyman, Jewelman, Hornetman, Splashwoman, Concreteman, Magmaman, Plugman, Tornadoman, Galaxyman, Jewelman, Hornetman, Splashwoman, Concreteman, Magmaman, Plugman, Tornadoman, Galaxyman, Jewelman, Hornetman, Splashwoman, Concreteman, Magmaman, Plugman, Tornadoman, Galaxyman, Jewelman, Hornetman, Splashwoman, Concreteman, Magmaman, Plugman, Tornadoman!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wait a minute...SPLASH WOMAN?! AS IN A WOMAN THAT GETS YOU WET?! EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!! WHY, INAFUNE, WHY?!!!?!?!?!?!?!!?!
I'm sad though that they didn't include any of Dustin and my ideas, such as Springerman (with the Chair Toss), Dragqueenman (with the Drag Racer: a dress that gives you turbo boosts), Backdoorman (with the Backdoor Slam) and Girlyman (with the Bitch Slap).
BUT STILL, OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG Galaxyman, Jewelman, Hornetman, Splashwoman, Concreteman, Magmaman, Plugman, Tornadoman!!!!!!!!!!
ON WIIWARE THIS YEAR! NO FUCKING JOKE! SPOOGE SPOOGE SPOOGE FGSFDS FGSFDS!!!!!
After seven work days in a row, the past four being increasingly bad, I woke up to find this written on my whiteboard:
Seeing that message somehow resonated with me today and it made my entire day feel better. I went to work feeling like I could take anything on, and if things start to go sideways, just don't fret over it and get it done. I ended up having a really good day today because of that.
That's why I love this guy.
(And yes, that's a stick-figure drawing of Sailor Jupiter.)
I hate work right now. Our big sale started last Friday, and I've been working every day since then, and each day has been getting progressively worse. Although I think I may have hit rock bottom today.
Lunch was ass-busy as it has been since the start of the sale, and increasingly frustrating day by day. Today, the hardest things to deal with were the rampant mistakes made by the cashiers (such as ringing up two entrees but only one drink and not seeing and going "Hey, this doesn't add up!") and 30+ minute wait times for food.
After lunch was over and I got back from break, my boss asked to see me in her office. I had a pretty good idea what it was going to be about (I've been hitting burnout hardcore these last couple of days and it's been written all over my face). But I was pretty shocked when she said that I had gotten a complaint today. I was like "WTF?!"
Apparently, someone felt like they were underserviced today at lunch, not getting their lemon bar because I was sitting at another table and chatting with the customers. I racked my brain to figure out just why I'd ever sit at a table in the middle of lunch rush (seriously, there's no time), and then it hit me.
This table had been waiting over half an hour for their food, and I had just found out that a miscommunication between the cashiers and the kitchen ended up in the entire order being canceled. So, after lighting a fire under both parties to get that food done, I went out to the table, sat down and explained to them what was going on, offering free soup and dessert as compensation for the trouble. They were more than happy with this, their food came up quickly, and they left with smiles and a tip on the table.
So, during that time that I was focusing my entire attention on a service recovery of a reasonable magnitude, someone else felt neglected and complained. I told the manager that I didn't really care about the complaint, because I didn't do anything wrong. She talked about how we could turn this into an opportunity (god, Nordstrom LOVES that word) for improvement. She didn't really like that I wasn't too broken up about the table that complained (even though they'd done it directly to the store manager instead of my boss, the cunts). If I really had been slacking, I'd have felt bad and owned it, but I wasn't, and I don't feel bad. I can't please everybody. I ended up pleasing the ones that mattered more, though.
But then, after this was all talked about, my boss said "Will you do me another favor?"
"What?" I asked.
"Will you shave your beard?"
I looked her dead in the eye for a second, and for probably the first time in my life, I told my employer "No."
She started quoting expectations about how we need to be neatly groomed with a close-shaved face and blah blah blah. I said "I don't let my beard get scraggly. I HATE that. I always keep it trim and tidy. And in the first four years I worked here, I ONLY had the beard and NOBODY said anything about it."
After some talking, I found that it wasn't a health department issue or the like, it was just a matter of personal preference. Her personal preference. I told her that my facial hair is one of the few ways I can actually express myself, and will periodically change. She tried to talk me up by saying I look so handsome without it and I said "Some people like me without it, others like me with it. I like them both, and I'm going to continue to have both."
And I'm not caving. I can't believe I'm being nitpicked like this. Although I doubt anything more will come of it, it really irritates me that she tried to take away one of the very few ways I can actually change up my appearance.
I was planning on shaving the beard anyway, but I think I'm going to keep it a little longer just to make a point.
I need a vacation.
PS: Does anyone other than Nick get the title of this entry?
buttons for your linking pleasure:
MOOD
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |